Changing the Subject
by Lastavica
Summary: One-shot. (AU-ish kinda sorta.) Bruce comes to a breaking point. Please R


Tony Stark walked into the lab. Bruce was working peacefully, typing away at a computer.

"Hey." Bruce said, his eyes still on his work.

"Good morning." Tony said in a strangely cheery voice.

He came up beside Bruce and placed a small photo on the desk in front of him.

Bruce adjusted his glasses and picked it up. It was an ultrasound picture of a baby.

Bruce looked up at Tony who nodded proudly. Bruce smiled. "Congratulations." He said and handed the photo back.

Tony admired the photo, probably for the thousandth time. "Thanks" he said and pocketed it. He opened up his systems and began some work.

"When did you find out?" Bruce asked

Tony smiled broadly as his fingers adeptly raced across the virtual screens. "3 months ago."

"Wow. How did you keep it in?"

"Threat of death."

"Yeah. I guess Pepper's pretty scary." Bruce said, affectionately rolling his eyes.

"Well, there's that. But no, I meant a miscarriage."

Bruce nodded. The first 3 months was the time it was most likely to occur.

"It happened before." Tony said, not looking at Bruce.

Bruce still didn't understand that. Why did Tony say earth shattering things like it meant nothing, despite the fact that those who knew him were aware of how affected he was? Bruce chalked it up to a life long habit of self preservation that he couldn't seem to break even when it was safe.

"I'm sorry." Bruce offered.

Tony waved dismissively and changed the subject.

"So when are we gonna see little Banner's running around?"

Bruce's expression darkened and instantly his mind raged _"What the f*ck?!"_

Without his consent his whole body seemed to charge with an adrenalized sensation. He was at once fiercely sad. This was a fact he worked extremely hard to keep buried in the darkest corners of his consciousness. And Tony had just casually dug it up like a dog, dropping the rotting, hideous thing on the doorstep of Bruce's mind.

"You know that can't happen, Tony." He tried to sound patient, tried to remember Tony was speaking rashly because he felt pain. It wasn't working.

"Ah, don't worry about." Tony gave Bruce a friendly squeeze of the shoulder, trying to brush off the comment he knew he shouldn't have made. No matter how much he regretted it, it was too late to take back.

"You don't get it do you?" Bruce suddenly snapped, pushing Tony's hand off.

Tony saw green flash across Banner's eyes and, for the first time, he stepped back. Only one step and it was out of pure instinct, but Bruce saw. His eyes met Tony's with a look of betrayal and of resignation. His face said _"I told you so."_

Once more, Tony reacted on instinct. This time it was not self preservation, but the opposite; total reckless love for his friend. He suddenly sprung forward and seized Bruce in a chokehold.

As Banner began struggling, Tony began taunting him.

"Come on! Where's your monster?"

Bruce was a less active man than Tony and could not manage to wrest himself from Tony's grasp.

"Show me the monster, Banner!" Tony goaded as he tried to keep a tight hold on his now thrashing friend. "Come on! I know he wants to fight. You can destroy me right now! Do it!"

Banner stopped struggling and as soon as Tony felt tears slip over his forearm, he released his grip. Bruce collapsed to the floor coughing. The coughs became ragged inhales. All the while the tears silently streamed down his face. Tony sat down beside him.

"What?" He asked, placing a gentle hand on Bruce's shoulder. His mocking voice gone and replaced now with care.

"Just tell me." Tony could feel the shudder from his friends inhales and exhales vibrate through his hand.

Bruce's voice was thick. He tried in vain to wipe away his oncoming tears.

"I don't want to hurt you and Pepper. I don't want to kill your family." That stung Tony. Bruce wasn't even crying over Tony's insensitive jest about a Banner family that could never be. This was because of Tony's single step backwards, something that seemed so much less of a thorn. For Bruce, though, it was never just about his needs. He was a man who only wanted to help people, only wanted them to be safe. Yet, he had a precarious power to destroy everyone and it scared the hell out of him. Tony's one step back from him had only convinced him further that he should be afraid. He would hurt the ones he loved.

Bruce put his face in his hands.

Tony found it within himself, for the sake of making his point, to laugh.

"You can't hurt us, Bruce." He said.

Banner shook his head, his face still covered in his hands. "What are you talking about, Tony?" There was uncharacteristic impatience in his tone.

"You can't hurt us because you don't want to. You have control, Come on, man. Just now if you actually thought I was trying to hurt you, you would have hulked out. But you didn't because you didn't want to hurt me and you trust who I am."

He paused. "Look at me, Bruce."

Reluctantly Bruce lifted his eyes.

"I trust who you are, Banner. And that includes the other guy. He's a part of _you._"

Bruce's eyes fell to the floor again.

"Hey!" Tony said, punching his shoulder. "Why can't you believe me? What more proof do you need? Pepper and I trust you. We want you here. You're still running away! Just because you aren't in India doesn't mean you're not still running."

Bruce shook his head. He forced his eyes closed as he felt the sting of new tears trying to escape.

"Stark, you're a fool for trusting me." As he said this he nearly choked on the sob that erupted out of him. He let his head hang from his shoulders which were now helplessly bouncing up and down from each new sob. This was not what he wanted. He didn't want to be an object of pity, but the tears were coming and the pain was acute. There was nothing he could do.

"F**k you, Banner. F**k you!" Tony reached out and pulled Bruce into his arms. Bruce made a pathetic attempt at resisting Tony's uncharacteristic hug, but he didn't really mean it. Tony didn't let go of him. He didn't say anything. He just held Banner in a tight hug. Bruce's sobs continued in full force, this time muffled in his friend's shoulder. Bruce never cried like this, but he didn't care anymore. All embarrassment and pride had vanished as soon as he felt his friends arms around him. Somebody loved him. Somebody wasn't afraid of him. Somebody was willing to risk everything to keep him in their life. Bruce had believed so strongly that this was an impossible dream. A mirage of a real life. He had been so certain that he was now excluded from human affection and human connection. Hatred and anger and fear and pain. It gushed from his heart. Tony Stark wasn't a hugger, but he didn't even care. If this was what Bruce needed to believe his words, then he would hug him and let him cry until next week if he had to.

They sat like that for a while.

When tears finally subsided, Bruce quietly said "Can I get up?"

Tony didn't hesitate to unlock him from his now asleep arms.

He got up first and offered a hand. Bruce took it and Tony pulled him to his feet.

Bruce rubbed his puffy eyes and tried not to be mortified at the state of Tony's shirt. The whole front of his was soaked in his tears and probably his snot too. He looked down. However overcome he was with the sudden desire to hide away, the gratefulness that he felt took precedence. He needed that. "Thanks, Tony."

Tony shrugged. "Don't thank me. Just trust me."

Bruce nodded, still looking at the ground.

Bruce sighed. "I'll try."

"Is that the best you got?" Tony asked. It was a serious question.

This time Bruce offered him eye contact. and nodded wearily. "Yes."

"Then I suppose that's good enough."

He clapped Bruce's shoulder. "Let's get to it then." Tony turned and went back to what he had started before. Bruce felt drained, but somehow comforted. He walked unsteadily out of the lab and into the bathroom. Bending down into the sink, he took a long drink of water from the tap and then splashed water over his reddened face. Standing there, leaning over the sink for a few minutes, he just watched drops of water fall from his face and hair back into the basin. Slowly he found it within himself to look in the mirror. He saw a man there, but was it the man that Tony could see? Bruce saw only a monster with a mask. He knew intellectually that he was just a man who needed to stop being alone, to stop running. His heart, on the other hand, didn't see it that way. His heart hated him and told him he was dangerous. Brown eyes stared into brown eyes.

"Damn you, Tony." he whispered to nobody. It was because of Stark that Bruce knew he had to try. He had to leave or try to let go of this fear. Leaving was easy, but he didn't want to go. Letting go was scary, but he knew he had to try.

That was it then. He would beat his heart into submission. He would make it follow what his mind chose. Bruce chose friendship. One that Tony believed was worth risking everything that Bruce was afraid of.

Tony was an idiot.

Bruce could not help smiling.


End file.
